I can't believe this is happening again. Amanda came over yesterday pretending to need help with her computer, and then today she shows up with another one, claiming it's broken too. I should have known better. Turns out, she's just trying to get me back into my old habits.
I've been doing so well lately. I've stayed out of trouble, I've been clean, and I've been trying to get my life back on track. But this whole situation with Amanda is just setting me back. I know why it's happening too – I'm afraid of being alone, so I keep letting people into my life who are no good for me. I just want a woman who's calm, stays out of trouble, and loves me unconditionally, the way I love her. I had that with Doris, but I threw it away. I messed up big time.
The worst part about tonight is that I was actually tempted for a minute. Nothing short of desperation, – I mean, in the past month, I've been stranded without a car, no job, and gone days without food. I've been struggling, to say the least. And here was my chance to get out of it. But my conscience wouldn't let me do it. I knew it was wrong, and I couldn't bring myself to betray my values. I'm so frustrated right now. I feel like I'm constantly fighting against myself and the people around me. I just want to be happy and have a normal life, but it seems like that's never going to happen for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment