Sitting Here

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling incredibly disheartened today. I've spent most of the day cooped up in my apartment, wishing I wasn't here anymore. It's just so frustrating to know that there's help available, but I can't access it because of the ridiculous cost. I'm a disabled veteran with borderline personality disorder, and I've been through hell and back. I've struggled with homelessness, drug addiction, depression, and suicide attempts. I'm lucky enough to have some decent insurance now, but even that's not enough to get me into a decent treatment center.

I keep seeing all these people on social media posting about their day trips and outings, and it just makes me feel so isolated and alone. I'm stuck here in my own head, battling my demons all on my own. I can't remember the last time I felt genuinely happy. I just want to feel normal again, but I don't know if that's ever going to happen.

I'm starting to feel like my time is running out. I've been fighting this battle for so long, and I'm just so tired. I don't know how much longer I can keep going on like this.

I know I shouldn't give up, but it's hard not to feel hopeless. I just want someone to understand what I'm going through.

Love, Me