Hey Diary Guess Who?

Dear Diary,

Today was a rollercoaster of emotions, a stark reminder of the complexities of my mental health journey. On one hand, I felt a glimmer of hope as the BPD symptoms seemed to ease, allowing me to enjoy my solitude in anticipation of returning to work. But on the other hand, the prospect of returning to an empty home after a long day triggered a wave of overwhelming sadness and loneliness.

The memories, sights, and smells of being back at the plant brought back a flood of emotions, a bittersweet blend of nostalgia and the pain of separation. And as the workday drew to a close, the realization that I would be coming home to an empty house hit me like a ton of bricks. The familiar walls that once echoed with laughter and shared moments now felt cold and desolate. The silence was deafening, a stark contrast to the lively chatter and comforting presence I once knew. Tears welled up in my eyes as I succumbed to the weight of my loneliness.

I questioned my progress, wondering why some aspects of my life were improving while others remained stagnant. Why couldn't I find solace in my own company? Why couldn't I face an empty house without crumbling into despair? Was it a sign that I hadn't fully gained my independence? Was it a reflection of my ongoing struggles with BPD? I didn't have the answers, but I knew something had to change. I felt drained, depleted of the strength I had mustered to fight this battle. I couldn't bear another downfall, another emotional collapse. I needed a solution, a way to navigate these conflicting emotions and find a sense of peace within myself.

As I poured my heart out to you, Diary, I realized that sharing my struggles is a form of self-care. It allows me to process my feelings, to acknowledge the pain and uncertainty, without letting it consume me. I may not have all the answers today, but I'm not giving up. I'm determined to find a path forward, to embrace the positive changes while addressing the lingering challenges. I'll keep fighting for my well-being, for the day when I can truly find peace and contentment, both in my solitude and in the company of others.

Until next time,