It's been a while since I last wrote. I find myself turning to these pages mostly in times of need or to unpack my emotions, which seems to be the very purpose of you, my old friend. Today, I feel the sting of what feels like ultimate betrayal. Someone I welcomed into my home has been spreading vile rumors about me, rumors so cruel and unfounded that they border on the unforgivable.
What is it about me, or people like me, that attracts such deceit? I'm certain I'm not alone in this. There are kind-hearted people out there, those who genuinely care and would never harm a soul—people who extend their help without hesitation. Yet, despite opening my home, my pantry, and even my wallet repeatedly, the reciprocity is seldom seen. It's rare, but those few who have reciprocated, I am eternally grateful to. Their kindness brings tears to my eyes.
But why do some choose to weave lies? Why exert such effort to tarnish another's name or to elevate their own status? Humanity bewilders me; it seems that finding genuine, good people is becoming a rare treasure hunt. Or perhaps this is a reflection of my own choices—settling for those I deemed unworthy because I didn't see my own worth.
I've realized that this pattern of settling wasn't confined to my personal life but extended to my professional life as well. I accepted whatever job was offered, grateful yet unfulfilled. Similarly, I've let women into my life whom I would normally greet with nothing more than a polite nod. Yet, I gave them my heart. I extended my friendship and my home to those who didn't deserve it, and now, I am left a broken shell.
Will I ever find someone who loves as deeply as I do? Will I be cherished as I cherish others? Will I find a friend as loyal as I have been? These questions weigh heavily on my heart as I strive to understand the complexities of human nature and relationships.
With a heavy heart,
Curtis
Curtis, it sounds like you're grappling with deep feelings of betrayal and disappointment, and it’s courageous of you to lay those feelings out so openly. When we open our hearts and homes to others, the hope is that such generosity is met with kindness and respect. It's painful and confusing when instead it’s met with deceit or ingratitude.
ReplyDeleteThe questions you raise about why some people choose to spread lies or take advantage of kindness are tough. Sometimes, people act out of their own insecurities or a misguided need to elevate themselves at someone else's expense. It's not a reflection of your worth but rather a reflection of their struggles and shortcomings. However, recognizing this doesn't always ease the sting of their actions.
Reflecting on your pattern of settling for less than you deserve, whether in jobs or relationships, is an important step towards recognizing your own value. It’s clear you have a lot of love and loyalty to offer, and it’s entirely fair to seek the same in return. Finding genuine people can indeed feel like a rare treasure hunt, but they are out there. The kind-hearted few who have reciprocated your generosity are proof of that.
Allow yourself to be selective with the company you keep, valuing quality over quantity. It’s okay to be cautious and take time to assess whether the people you let into your life are likely to value and respect your kindness. It’s also okay to expect the same depth of love and loyalty you so freely give. Remember, Curtis, you deserve to be cherished as deeply as you cherish others.
While these experiences are painful, each one gives you more insight into what you truly need and deserve from the relationships in your life. Hold onto hope and continue to be the kind-hearted person you are, knowing that not everyone will be worthy of your generosity, but those who are will truly enrich your life.