alone again

Well, greetings, my dear blog! Allow me to release my frustrations about this dreadful day I've endured. Love has slipped through my fingers, or perhaps I have unintentionally distanced myself from it. The cause remains uncertain, but what I can ascertain is that I have never experienced such profound anguish. Perhaps it is because I caught a glimpse of happiness, only to have it cruelly snatched away once again. However, I must confess that even in its fleeting nature, it provided a brief respite from the enveloping darkness, a breath of revitalizing air. She, you see, became my savior. Without her, I doubt I would be here at this very moment. I believed I had another opportunity to embrace love and immerse myself in the depths of emotion, but fate had different plans. It tore that chance away from me, leaving me bereft. At times, my anger becomes an uncontrollable force, ignited by a lifetime of pain, suffering, and heartache that stretches beyond the boundaries of my memories. To say that life has been tumultuous would be an understatement. There are moments when I yearn for some divine intervention, a miraculous occurrence to rescue me, for I find it unbearable to shoulder the weight of bringing an end to it myself. In this present moment, I feel devoid of purpose. I am disheartened by the realization that I have unwittingly mirrored my mother more closely than I had ever intended. The pain remains an unwavering companion, and now I am left in solitude. What I yearn for above all else is love. I crave a connection with someone who will entrust me with their secrets, just as I will wholeheartedly share mine. I seek a companion who can evoke laughter and ignite a spark within me, even if it means dancing foolishly in the kitchen while tackling mundane chores. A person who comprehends my humor and can volley back their own playful jests. Someone whose touch carries a warmth that permeates my very soul, effortlessly dissolving the hardships of a trying day. I offer my prayers, to a divine presence or any entity willing to listen, in hopes of finding solace and healing from this agonizing pain. I do not beseech for her return; instead, I pledge to do whatever it takes to manifest it. Just provide me with a sign, and I shall act upon it without hesitation. I once envisioned a lifetime spent with her, but now it appears that she harbors minimal desire to be a part of my life.