my mask

The current state of affairs appears to be relatively satisfactory, giving the impression that things are improving and progressing in a positive direction. However, this semblance of contentment is short-lived and contingent upon my continual adoption of a deceitful facade, a facade I refer to as my disingenuous "pleasant mask." By wearing this mask, I project an image that everything in life is delightful and that all will be well.

Throughout the entirety of my existence, I have been made to believe that "I am flawed," "I am a mistake," or that "I am constantly erring." It is essential for me to recognize the fallacy of these notions. I must prioritize self-love above all else and genuinely embrace the belief that I am not as flawed as others have made me feel.

Deep within the depths of my being resides an abundant reservoir overflowing with love and compassion, intricately intertwined with an unwavering dedication to unwavering commitment and relentless diligence. However, there are moments when these harmonious aspects of my existence converge, creating a mesmerizing dance of forces that may bewilder and confound certain individuals, causing them to misguidedly channel their own discontent towards external influences and sources beyond their grasp.

Take heed, as the facade of happiness I project is but a fleeting disguise, a temporary shield erected to protect my inner tranquility. In due time, my genuine self shall resurface, and you shall witness a shift in the hierarchy of my concerns, as you descend to a lower rung on my ladder of priorities, a place you have long held.

I no longer occupy myself with the emotions of others, as the wounds inflicted upon me delve deep into my soul, leaving permanent marks that cannot be erased or hidden. These scars run so deep that they inevitably hinder my connections with others, making it challenging to engage in vulnerable conversations. The reality is, my sense of security has been shattered. While there was a time when I felt safe and stable, it was nothing more than a mirage, skillfully crafted by certain individuals, while the truth remained far from genuine.

I have prioritized the love for others over self-love, leading to a deep-seated bitterness towards my own existence, plunging into depths I never anticipated. The flames you ignited still smolder within, consuming relentlessly. Yet, it is well. I no longer seek validation from everyone, nor do I yearn for anyone's affection.

Through the journey of my personal growth, I have experienced a remarkable transformation, evolving into a state of unyielding resilience and strength that resembles a robust callus emerging from the constant trials of enduring friction and pressure. Just as a callus forms as a shield against repetitive challenges, I have developed an inner fortitude that allows me to face life's adversities with unwavering determination and unwavering spirit.

Now is the moment for Curtis to give precedence to self-care. I will wholeheartedly embrace and value myself. It's conceivable that you may even detest the transformed me, but this new version will be impervious to the pain that you once could inflict.

"I let my guard down 
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved"