Stay Away

If you don’t like what I write in my blog, then do yourself a favor—don’t read it. Just stay the hell away. And let’s get one thing straight: this blog was never about you. It’s for me—to vent, to reflect, to remind myself of where I’ve been and where I’ll never go again.

The fact that you felt the need to make it about yourself? That’s laughable. You were a bad chapter—hell, one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made. You showed up when I was at my lowest, willing to accept anything or anyone just to fill a void. But not once, when I was walking right—with honesty, integrity, and faith—would I have had anything to do with someone like you.

Yeah, it’s a harsh truth. But it’s still the truth.

I’m doing damn well now. Getting stronger every day. I’ve built a circle of real ones—people who love me, who I love back. No manipulation, no lies, no games.

So just move on.

Patientce Is a Virtue

For the longest time, it felt like I was fighting an uphill battle, constantly pushing forward without seeing much progress. But now, things are finally starting to fall into place. My VA benefits are kicking in, and that alone is a massive relief. I’ve spent years navigating the system, wondering if the day would ever come when I’d see the support I earned, and now it’s happening. That weight, that uncertainty, is lifting, and it feels damn good.

Work is going great, too. I’ve got steady work, and there’s a sense of pride that comes with putting in the effort and seeing the results. The days feel productive, and I’m building something solid for myself. But beyond all of that, the biggest change isn’t external—it’s internal. I can honestly say I’m happy with myself. And that’s not something I’ve always been able to say.

DBT has been a game-changer. I’m using the skills, applying them when I need them, and not just letting the emotions run the show. When things start feeling overwhelming, I know what to do instead of spiraling. Music, ice water, grounding techniques—it all works when I actually use it. And staying in contact with my therapist has been crucial. Just having that outlet, that professional support, reminds me I’m not in this alone.

Life is brighter. Not perfect, not without its struggles, but it’s manageable, and more than that—it’s worth it. I’m here, I’m standing strong, and for the first time in a long time, I actually believe in the future I’m building.

My surroundings

Well, journal, it's been a better week than I thought.

Met another couple today, and that was just amazing. As we were sitting and talking about motorcycles, hunting, and such, I knew the man looked familiar. Come to find out, when I broke down about a month ago or more, he was one of the people who pulled over and offered gas or to help tow me home. Small world. It’s moments like these that make me realize just how interconnected everything can be, how paths cross in ways we never expect.

Ever since moving out of Roanoke and getting away from the nasty areas of Fort Worth, I've met some damn good people. For so long, I let some ugly people into my life—people who were rotten to the core. I even dated some of the ugliest souls on the planet. And I don’t mean ugly on the outside, but pure ugly on the inside. It’s strange to reflect on those times and recognize how different things are now. Back then, I was surrounded by negativity, deception, and betrayal. I convinced myself that I had to tolerate that kind of company because I didn’t deserve better, but that was a lie I told myself for too long.

What a contrast from the people I used to be around. The truly good-hearted people that are surrounding me nowadays—it sure is a blessing. Feels like God is making up for lost time, bringing the right people into my life when I need them the most. I find myself laughing more, enjoying the simple things in life again, and not having to constantly watch my back or second-guess the intentions of those around me. There’s a kind of peace in that, a sense of security I hadn’t known in years.

A new chapter, and a better one at that. I feel like I’m finally learning what it means to be surrounded by people who genuinely care, who offer kindness without expectation, and who remind me that there are still good people left in this world. It’s a refreshing change, and I’m grateful for every bit of it. Here’s to more days like this and fewer like the ones I left behind.

My voice!

Well, journal,

The freedom and peace of mind knowing that the GPS tracker is no longer around my ankle is indescribable! To come and go as I please without the constant feeling of being watched—it's liberating. For the first time in a long while, I feel like I can truly breathe.

Now, I can start planning my trip to Washington, D.C. My meeting with the Department of Justice is going to change a lot of lives. Some for the better, some for the worse—but it’s what has to be done. The truth needs to come out, and justice needs to be served.

I remember someone from my past once telling me that people from their country are ruthless, that they will do everything they can to stay in this country—whether it's legal or illegal. They’ll stop at nothing. That conversation has stuck with me, and now I find myself in a position where I can be a voice, a force, making it almost impossible for them to exploit the system illegally.

This journey ahead is going to be a tough one, but I’ve already been through hell. What’s one more battle? At least this time, I’m on the offense.

Now it's time to go to work!

Well, journal, my legal battle has finally come to an end! It’s been a long, exhausting road, but now the fight is just beginning for others. With court documents in hand, filled with sworn statements under oath, the truth is no longer just my word against theirs—it’s official. I’ve also been advised to seek the assistance of the feds, ensuring that this doesn’t just get swept under the rug. Now, ICE and the Department of Justice have what they need to step in and take over. Justice moves slowly, but when it catches up, there’s no outrunning it. All I have to do now is sit back and watch the dominos fall.

New Roommate!

Because I'm an Addict

Why am I judged, deemed guilty first,

Before my truth is even versed?

Because I'm an addict, they whisper and sneer,

No room for redemption, just echoes of fear.

Why does kindness weigh so light,

When I am gentle, day and night?

Because I'm an addict, my heart’s not seen,

Drowned in the shadows of where I have been.

Why does no one seem to care,

Though I give love beyond compare?

Because I'm an addict, their minds won't bend,

Blind to the struggles I fight to transcend.

Why does my clean time fade to dust,

When I have built a life of trust?

Because I'm an addict, my steps are erased,

Chasing a future, yet stuck in their gaze.

Why do they cling to who I was,

Ignoring change, ignoring cause?

Because I'm an addict, they hold me still,

But I won't break—I have the will.

The Yielding Fighter

In the shadows of my fractured mind,

A war persists, chaos intertwined.

Demons rise, their whispers sting,

Feeding the fears to which they cling.

They chant of guilt, of endless shame,

Fanning the fire, calling my name.

But this soul, though bruised and worn,

Refused to fall, refused to mourn.

Through sleepless nights and haunted days,

The war persists, in countless ways.

Each scar a mark, each tear a proof,

Of battles fought beneath no roof.

“Judge me not!” I cry to the air,

“I’m more than the wreckage I bear.

I won’t submit to a jury’s decree,

No twelve will ever define me.”

The toll is high, the end feels near,

The demons chant, their voices clear.

Exhaustion wins where courage fades,

And I find peace in twilight’s shades.

Let them scorn, let stones be thrown,

For I have braved storms all my own.

This was my fight, my will, my art,

I fought till the stillness claimed my heart.

The Forgotten Soldier

A young boy stood, heart proud and true,

Beneath the flag of red, white, and blue.

With solemn oath, he raised his hand,

To serve and defend his beloved land.

He marched through fire, he bled in sand,

A rifle firm in his steady hand.

The echoes of war carved deep in his soul,

A price he paid to keep his country whole.

But when the battle was over and done,

And the soldier returned, a war unwon,

The cheers faded, the parades went dry,

He looked for aid beneath the sky.

The promises made, so bold, so grand,

Turned to dust in a weary hand.

A shattered heart, a fractured mind,

Left to fend in a world unkind.

He cried for help, but no one came,

His country whispered a hollow name.

The boy who swore, the man who bled,

Was left alone with the ghosts in his head.

Oh, land of the free, home of the brave,

Why do you forsake those you must save?

The cost of freedom they bore for you,

Yet you turn away when their skies aren’t blue.

A plea to remember, a call to care,

For those who’ve borne the weight of despair.

Lift them up, don’t let them fall,

For they gave their youth, their life, their all.

Six Will Carry Me Before Twelve Judge Me

A man stands alone, his shadow his shield,

In a world where truth and pain won't yield.

The echoes of battle, scars that won't fade,

A soul bruised by choices, a debt long unpaid.

Each breath feels heavy, each step a test,

The demons within won't let him rest.

Memories whisper like a cruel, sharp knife,

Yet he clings to a phrase that anchors his life.

"Six will carry me before twelve judge me,"

A creed, a defiance, a vow to be free.

Not from the world, but the weight of despair,

To rise above judgment, to find solace there.

Struggling, yes, but not backing down,

Through storms that would drown or fires that crown.

He won't trade his honor for hollow relief,

Won't bow to the lies that deepen his grief.

For life is a fight, raw and unkind,

Yet courage is forged in the depths of the mind.

To carry his burden, to face what's ahead,

To choose the path where dignity's led.

"Six will carry me," not out of defeat,

But proof that his heart still dares to beat.

Before twelve judge him, he'll carve his own way,

For each step he takes keeps the darkness at bay.

Moving On

Don't Be Sad That I Am Gone

Don’t let tears fall, though I’ve taken my leave,

For my pain has ended; there’s no need to grieve.

The weight that I carried, the storms in my soul,

Have finally quieted; I am whole.

The darkness that lingered, the battles I fought,

Were lessons in life that time only taught.

Now peace surrounds me, as soft as a song;

Don’t be sad that I am gone.

Remember the laughter, the love that we shared,

The moments of kindness, the times that we cared.

Though my presence is missing, my spirit remains,

In whispers of wind and gentle rains.

Celebrate my freedom from struggle and strife,

For I’ve found a new, unburdened life.

So smile for me now, let sorrow implore,

Not for my absence, but that I hurt no more.