Well, the state doesn't want to budge on giving me 10 to 20 years in prison. Why? Because I loved someone with all my heart? I thought she was my ride or die, my forever. We had plans, dreams, and a future that I believed in so completely. But now, here I am, facing this nightmare. It feels like I'm being punished for simply caring too deeply and trusting the wrong person.
This whole ordeal has taken such a toll on me, emotionally and mentally. It’s crazy how loving someone can lead to such drastic consequences. I never imagined that my feelings would lead to such a catastrophic chain of events. Every day feels like I'm walking on a tightrope, not knowing if I'll make it to the other side.
The 10th will let me know where my story ends. It's the day that could change everything, for better or worse. I'm 100 percent ready for the outcome. Six will carry me before twelve judge me. This phrase echoes in my mind constantly, a grim reminder of the stakes at play.
It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that my life could end like this, all because of a love that I once thought was pure and everlasting. But enough about that. I've got to keep my head up and face whatever comes my way. I guess we'll see how it all plays out soon. Until then, I'll just keep holding on to whatever hope I have left.
I mean, why is it that I can be painted as this villain when all I did was yell and scream because I was hurt? Now, I'm labeled as a stalker? I was ghosted, completely left in the dark. I didn’t know what was going on, and then a check showed up. I tried to give it back to her, but she didn’t want the $1,900, so I sent it back to the sender. It’s all good, though. I’m tired of this world anyway. I'm kind of looking forward to closing my eyes forever. I won’t have to see the lies and the bullshit that life has to offer anymore. I won't have to see the heinous, nasty people out there taking advantage of others.
I do know one thing: when the time comes, I want to be cremated and thrown into the ocean. I don't want to be buried in the United States. I don't want to be any part of it. I'm starting to hate this country and everything it represents. The constant lies, the corruption, the way good people get painted as villains while the real villains walk free—it’s all just too much. I’ve done my best to navigate through it, but it feels like every step forward is met with ten steps back.
Why should I keep fighting a battle that feels so damn rigged against me? Maybe in the end, the peace I find in death will be the only true solace I ever get. At least then, I won’t have to endure the endless cycle of hurt and betrayal. And I definitely won’t have to put up with any more of the garbage this world throws at me.
On top of everything, I had to lose my home because rumors about me being a stalker and a woman-beater got around my apartments. I had guns pulled on me, and I was told I was going to die. The fear, the constant threat to my life, it all became too much to bear. Imagine being ostracized and vilified for something you didn't do, having your very existence threatened because of lies. It's like living in a nightmare where there's no escape. I'm done with it. This world has shown me enough cruelty and hatred, and I'm ready to find peace away from it all.
I was nervous. I mean who wouldn't be but now I just want it to hurry and be done with!
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