Understanding the Misjudgment of Those Who Avoid Physical Violence

There are individuals who have never raised their hands in anger towards anyone. Yes, they may appear angry or scary, but this is often a tactic to keep others at a distance, to avoid conflict. We don't want to engage in physical altercations or ugliness. Yet, despite this, we can still be blamed for fitting someone else's narrative, without consideration for the ripple effects that can cause us immense pain.

Before meeting Antonella, I was battling addiction, homelessness, depression, and suicidal thoughts. She presented herself as my partner, my ride-or-die. But the truth was she was manipulating the system for her gain, whether it was citizenship, shelter, or something else. Yes, I yelled, I screamed, and I cussed, but we were supposed to get married and have children. Instead, she cheated on me with a co-worker, spilling details about me and my struggles to him.

If anyone else had faced the same provocations, especially some people I know, they might have responded violently. But I didn't. I turned my frustration inward. All I did was yell and scream. In response, Antonella started driving erratically, endangering both our lives and the lives of others on the road. To try and calm the situation, I took her wallet and phone, knowing their importance to her, hoping she would drive more safely. She saw this as an opportunity to accuse me of domestic violence.

She tried to press charges in multiple counties and cities, but it wasn’t until a female detective got involved that anything stuck. It took five or six death threats before I forwarded one to her, asking if this was what her family was capable of. That was the basis for the indictment against me. Rumors spread that I was a woman-beater, a stalker, a freak. My community turned against me. Women became scared.

Just recently, during an intimate moment with a new partner, the woman upstairs, already paranoid due to the rumors, called the police, thinking I was harming someone. My partner had to explain it was her cries of pleasure, not pain. Yet, I was still targeted, receiving multiple death threats and racial slurs, with no intervention from authorities.

Now, I understand. The world has no use for me, and I have no use for it. If being a part of it means becoming ugly like the world itself, I want no part of it. I've begun planning my own end, to stop the pain and suffering. I'm just waiting for the right time, putting everything in order. This filthy, nasty world can have itself because I know I don't have a voice. No one listens, no one cares, and they never will.