If I Could Close My Eyes

What do you do when all you want is to close your eyes, and that's the only thing you can think about? Every time you get a tiny glimmer of hope that things might change, someone or something always crushes it. That's exactly where I'm at today. I feel like I have no fight left in me. I just wish I could keep my eyes closed forever. I don't want to see the world's ugliness anymore, and I certainly don't want to see the ugly, messed-up people around me. I damn sure don't want to see them bring out the ugliness in me.

It's as if every time I start to believe things might get better, life finds a way to drag me back down into the depths of despair. I'm so mentally and emotionally drained, it's like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. There used to be a time when I had hope, when I believed that eventually, things would turn around. But now, that hope feels like a distant memory, a faint whisper that gets drowned out by the overwhelming noise of my struggles.

I'm exhausted. Not just tired, but bone-deep weary. Every day feels like a battle that I can't win, a never-ending cycle of disappointment and heartbreak. The world seems to be filled with so much darkness, and it's becoming harder and harder to find any light. The negativity is suffocating, and I feel like I'm slowly being buried under it all.

Seeing people who only bring out the worst in me makes it even harder. It's like they revel in my misery, taking pleasure in my pain. I don't want to be around them, don't want to be reminded of how far I've fallen. I long for a moment of peace, a brief respite from the constant turmoil that has become my life.

But that peace seems so elusive, like a mirage in the desert. No matter how hard I try to reach it, it slips through my fingers, leaving me more broken and desolate than before. I just want to close my eyes and never open them again, to escape this relentless suffering and where the pain can't touch me anymore.