Dear Army

Dear United States Army,

I write to you today with a heart heavy with both gratitude and sorrow, reflecting on my journey within your ranks that has shaped the person I have become. In the beginning, you were the beacon of discipline I desperately sought, the guiding light when I was lost, and the sense of belonging I craved. You were everything I needed, offering me a place within something greater than myself, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

However, there was a day that changed everything, a moment that remains indelibly etched in my memory. A young soldier, broken and distraught, sought comfort in me, overwhelmed by the torment from his peers. With a heavy heart, I promised we would seek help from our first sergeant the next day. Tragically, that next day never came for him. Before dawn broke, he chose to end his unbearable pain, a decision made in despair right before my eyes. His decision to escape the cruelty he faced is a memory that haunts me, a stark reminder of the darkest depths of human suffering.

In the aftermath, as I grappled with the weight of what had happened, I felt myself unravel. The unyielding image of his choice as the only escape from suffering became a pervasive thought, leaving me lost in a sea of despair. During this time, when I needed support the most, I felt abandoned. The Army that had once been my foundation, my guiding light, seemed to turn away, leaving me to face the darkness alone. There was no attempt to reintegrate me with my unit, no effort made to pull me back from the edge, only the cold shoulder of an institution moving forward without me.

Now, 30-plus years later, the specter of that day continues to haunt me, not just in fleeting memories, but in vivid, relentless nightmares. Each night, I am transported back to that moment, so vivid I can still taste the blood in the air and the gunpowder mixed with the iron from the blood as if I'm reliving the event every time I wake up. The dreams are so vivid; there are times when my ears are even ringing when I wake up. Now, all these years later, I need your help, and you're still not there. I'm left with a disability that you helped foster. You failed that young soldier by letting him get picked on by his team members, and you failed me when I needed your help the most. And now, I have to struggle to get benefits that are rightly mine.

This letter is not just a reflection of my pain but also an acknowledgment of the complex relationship I have with the Army. It is a recognition of the discipline, guidance, and sense of belonging you gave me, contrasted sharply with the isolation and abandonment I felt in my darkest hour. As I navigate the path of healing, I carry both the strength and scars from my time with you, forever a part of who I am.

Sincerely,

Curtis