I'm sitting here, exhausted and frustrated, wondering why I'm forcing myself to live every day. It's like I'm stuck in a rut, unable to break free from this self-imposed obligation.
I used to enjoy living life. At least I did when I used to be to relax, de-stress, and get some exercise. But lately, it's become a chore, a source of dread. I feel like I'm constantly dragging myself by my short hairs, dreading the moment I I realized that I woke up yet again.
I'm so tired. My body aches, my mind is foggy, and I just don't have the energy to keep up this charade anymore. I want to stop breathing, but I'm afraid of what it will do to some of my loved ones. But I'm starting to wonder anymore am I loved as much as I love them?
I'm disappointing my friends and family. I'm afraid of being seen as weak or quitter. I'm afraid of losing my sense of accomplishment and routine but that part of it's already too late. That's already coming gone.
But I can't keep going on like this. I'm burning myself out, and I know it's not sustainable. I need to find a way to break free from this life and prioritize my death.
Maybe it's time to take a break from carrying altogether. Maybe I need to find a different form of self love that I can actually enjoy. Maybe I just need to listen to my ex and like she said get it over with that. Nobody needs me around anymore. .
I don't know what the answer is, but I know I can't keep forcing myself to do something that's making me miserable. I deserve to be happy and healthy, and that includes taking care of myself in a humane merciful way.
I'm giving up on myself or my goals, but I'm also not going to sacrifice my happiness in the process. I'm worth more than that.
No comments:
Post a Comment