Oh so Broken

Have you ever felt broken? I mean truly broken both mentally and physically. If you haven't, let me tell you something, it sucks. 

Feeling shattered and fragmented will slowly deplete every fragment of vitality within you. It resembles an eternal vampire, thriving on and siphoning your essence with relentless persistence. Even during moments of slumber, it continues to drain you, leaving you devoid of substance upon awakening. It renders you bereft of the vigor necessary to propel yourself out of bed and embark on a fresh dawn. As the day unfolds, its grip intensifies, suffocating your spirit and leaving you in a state of profound exhaustion.

I find myself standing at the precipice of utter loss, where all that once defined my existence has crumbled to dust. Some claim it is a direct result of my treatment towards others, but I have merely mirrored the manner in which they have treated me. Perhaps this is merely an excuse, a feeble attempt to justify my actions, as some may argue. However, have I ever truly mistreated someone without just cause? I highly doubt it. Love for humanity once coursed through my veins, or at least it did until the tumultuous events of the past few years unfolded, serving as the final blow. Betrayal, molestation, slanderous accusations—the list goes on and on. But yet again, these are merely dismissed as feeble justifications, aren't they? I was once the epitome of compassion, the person who would give the shirt off their back, sacrificing the last $5 in my pocket for a homeless soul. And yet, here I stand, transformed into the very monster that has birthed this chaos. It is I who has driven my wife into the arms of other men, discussing our separation and pondering what kind of man she truly seeks. Is it due to the cameras I installed in my own home, a desperate attempt to protect my dwindling finances and the vanishing remnants of my prized possession, my sacred herb?

Before I die all my videos and everything will be made public some people will see that I'm not lying. People will see truth behind the allegations.

I guess it's time to started saying goodbye. I guess that's one gift that you get from cancer. It allows one to say goodbye to some and fuck off to the rest of them.

Before I do get to sick or whatever I'm gone. No one that knows me will know when and where I died. I want to be buried in some far-off County as John Doe.